It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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