awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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