just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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