Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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