He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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