I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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