can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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