U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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