I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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