Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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