And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize