i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Text me some of your sweat
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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