I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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