I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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