Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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