I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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