I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm always down for nudity.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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