Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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