Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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