I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize