dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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