I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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