sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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