This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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