If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize