but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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