those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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