oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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