First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize