I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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