Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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