forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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