Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bring me that man meat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize