I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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