I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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