fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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