if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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