Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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