just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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