is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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