she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize