I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize