He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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