you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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