3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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