What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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