Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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