u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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