I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize