These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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