We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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